Tangential Fun

I waffle on this one periodically. To pursue or not to pursue that which pays more money in order to not feel so much like a leech on the boyfriend or stick with what I've got going on now at Purdue until a regular position with bennies opens up? Yes, I still want to pursue my MSW degree. I want to continue on with that whole schooling idea; yet there are times when I feel like that's not doable or realistic. How much strain on a relationship is worth the possibility of causing it to implode by pursuing an academic goal? Sure, in the long run, it will pay more money. In the short run, it's going to be tons of stress and hard work. I hate feeling like I am not doing enough help out in the household. I'm not making what I used to. If I was, I could pay for stuff like utilities and groceries! ARRG! I am sure it will come to me, hopefully not too late in the game I guess. A little over a year with the schnookums now and I am still hopeful we're going to be together a long time to come; unless of course I drive him insane first.

Anyhoo, I still hate the Mac. It does not have features that work the way I am accustomed to working. MS WORD on the Mac is not the same as MS WORD on a PC. The Mac keyboard feels goofy and works kinda goofy. The key marked CTRL does not function as a CTRL key when it comes to using CRTL commands I would normally use on the PC. For instance, CRTL C does not COPY, it places a "C" on the text area instead of COPYING! ARRG! I have to hit the little key with an apple and funky squiggly box symbol in order for it to do what I want it to do. ALT TAB, what's that?! The Mac just sits there like it's getting an attitude, "You want me to do something lady?" "YES!" Again with the little key with an apple and funky squiggly box symbol + TAB to switch between windows. Grrrrrrrrrr.

Surprisingly, the new version of Windows (Vista) reminds me of the Mac OS X appearance. I wonder if that was on purpose? Was it on purpose?! :) That would be a hoot if was intended to mimic Mac OS X. I looked at the prices of this system too, crapola! It's more than double what you would pay for a PC decently loaded with a flat screen monitor. Perhaps if the MS Programs I use on a PC were on the Mac, it would be less of a pain to have to use.

Rain, can we just get the rain over with for a few weeks, get some sunshine and pleasant weather too? That way we can still fence outside on the weekends. It would make several people happy for a few weeks at least. Damn, I want a nap. Can I get a nap?! NO! I still have about 2 hours left in the office. Here's another tangent, no lunch room in the building. This means I sit at my desk all day long. If I don't leave the office to eat, I have to get up and answer the door for worker students and answer the damn phone too. Grrrrr.

Song of the day, I need to start that up. Heart and Soul by T'Pau. Other songs this week, one hit wonders of the 80's. Stay tuned for future one hit wonders! 99 Red Balloons by Nena! Owner of a Lonely Heart by Yes. Putin' On The Ritz by Taco. *grin* Yeah, I enjoy the 80's channel on yahoo music. That and I like the big band channel; it's just fun to listen to big band music. There's something classy about big band music. Hard to explain I guess.

Now that you think I've come completely unhinged, it's time for me to stop rambling and go find something else to do for the last two hours of my day. I could wall paper the cork board with rainbow post-it notes and use the magnetic words on the cabinets to make sentences like "dream in pictures often" I have no idea what else I can come up with besides watch the rain fall and enjoy the fact it's warm and dry in here. Mmmm… Nap…I still need a nap. ENJOY YOUR LIFE!

T~ Continuing to make you wonder what I am on these days. ;)

...So if I die today I'll be the happy phantom
And I'll go wearin' my naughties like a jewel
I'm still an angel to a girl who hates to sin...

Macs Suck ASS!!

So I am using the office lap top that students use because it’s an honest to God real PC! Yes, it’s a dinosaur of a lap top being five years old, no updates to speak of and it’s a community tinker toy unless I am sitting at the desk cursing the retarded Mac. I hate Macs! Just how the fucking hell do you right click a button mouse? Did I mention that the keyboard is institution white and shows all kinds of icky nasty things that I don’t want to know about? Meanwhile, there are no Microsoft products on the Mac. No Word, no Works, not even Excel. It won’t talk to the lap top and the lap top doesn’t care either way. I have to use this beast to check my Outlook mail because the Purdue system is not equipped to accommodate a Retarded Mac User. Oh yeah, my Gmail is also kinda not working/supported by Mac. As in, my quick contacts on Gmail won’t come up so I cannot chat with Adam. Adam so very kindly pointed out that Mozilla and FireFox will allow for the feature to work. YAY! wOOt! JOY! I still don’t like the Mac.

This morning, I find that I cannot find the tower that a PC would have. I am digging around like a mole on the floor looking to see where some genius placed the tower out of reach so I can’t access stuff like a disc drive. It turns out that Mac has some kind of ALL IN ONE SYSTEM. The monitor is so huge you could probably see it from orbit. The power button is on the back of this monitor and does not shut down like a PC if you hold the button down for a hard shut down. OY-VEY! Our resident computer geek says he has no idea how a Mac works; a source of contention since I have to be stuck here with this dinosaur lap top and Mac for a tentative 4-6 weeks. I saw the advert for this job listed on the employment site. I think I will pass on that one. Ugh

Anyhoo, I could go on and on and on and on about what I don’t like about Macs, but so far, I have stuck to the main points, because at the moment, I am supposedly working on a project database that won’t allow me access because none of the computers geeks have bothered to set me properly for accessing important things like a friggen shared drive! I am amazed with the disparity between offices on this campus. There’s an OLD Dell in the back room, with a funky Gateway keyboard that looks like it should have been put out to pasture, not to mention the monitor and tower looks as though they’ve been in a flood or stained in nicotine. It’s very sad here. Printers that don’t work, copiers that break down every time you use them, and a phone system that drops calls or won’t let you transfer. I still have not been able to check the voicemail. I hope there’s nothing important on there. It’s really kinda messed up and I don’t fault the faculty up to a small point. I could, but if it does what they need it to, why fix it? ARRG!

Here’s to a better time while I learn the Mac. Crimany!

T~ Fussing and Grumping.

...So if I die today I'll be the happy phantom
And I'll go wearin' my naughties like a jewel
I'm still an angel to a girl who hates to sin

Two Weddings & A Funeral

It was a bit of a joke last night that in our family, things happen in threes. For instance, when grandma died, less than three weeks later, Great Auntie Aggie died, and on the day we buried Auntie A, Uncle Billy Lynn died. It was a wild rollercoaster ride for the family. I think I have mentioned this before. So when Great Uncle Jack died, it was a moment for great pause and concern. Then my sister Tina gets the bright idea to say, “No, it’s two weddings and a funeral. It all evens out.” I know of one wedding that I can think of and one funeral, but hey, I’ll take that over three funerals.

As per usual would have it, the cousins all get together at funerals and we talk of how we really should stop getting together like this. We talk of family reunions and keeping it touch, but it never seems to happen. I see cousins now on my dad’s side of the family which I used to play with when I was a child. We had birthday parties and got together more often then than we ever do now. It’s kinda sad that someone has to die in order for us to get together again.

Aunt Betty was the one that set me to tears though. I was ok until the ancient color guard that looked as though they predated WWI in most respects, they came and presented arms. It was a tear jerker of a moment. Reminded me of a close friend’s funeral where they not only played Taps, they had the 21 Gun Salute. You don’t think something like that could bother you so much, especially when you see it or hear it on the media so much. When you’re the one standing there, hearing the guns and Taps and watching a friend or family member’s flag being folded up and presented, you feel little crack of the rifles in the air, every eerie little note of that bugle playing. Granted, we were in a funeral home, so no guns cracking the air, but Taps was just too much. It reminds you of every hard moment of the last experience. So my cousins and I sat there sniffling and crying in the back of the room, but back to Aunt Betty. She’s been one of those people in my family that inspires a lack of excuses and gets your ass motivated.

Sis and I, aka Tina, talked with Aunt Betty at some point or another and got the same result. “You girls have got to stick together.” She was referring to the very same thing I mentioned above, we all gotta stop getting together like this and get together for a family reunion. Basically do what we used to do when we were kids. I was ok talking with her about this until she did that look that only Aunt B can do and said, “You gotta promise me that if something happens to me, that you girls will do that.” I’m sitting here getting all teary eyed again just thinking about it. I totally agree. I suppose it is up to me to get that list of family members together and get it all going at some point.

To top all of this excitement, I get a call from my mom in Alabama to say that my cousin Dennis is heading to the hospital with chest pains and she’s really upset. To top it off she mentions that a few weeks ago, my youngest cousin was beaten to a pulp at the truck stop near my hometown. Apparently Dougie stood up for his buddy’s wife because these three hooligans were giving her shit at the restaurant portion of the truck stop. What the fuck is this world coming to these days? Sheesh.

Last but not least, my evening observations. My family will never get a break; I don’t think we’re meant to have any kind of extended good fortune without some kind of repercussions or bad karma catching up for some past deed that I have no idea what the family did. It’s kinda weird how it happens. I suppose we just can’t enjoy the good without the bad rearing its ugly head up more often than not. Stranger things have happened me thinks. I am sure there are other people out that there that feel the same way at times. Oh well, time to get back to work.

T~ Just kinda hangin’ out today.

...So if I die today I'll be the happy phantom
And I'll go wearin' my naughties like a jewel
I'm still an angel to a girl who hates to sin

Yadda-yadda-yadda

Ever been frustrated when you're trying to contact someone in a big office? I mean, take the office that I currently work in, there are several deans and supporting grad students. That is just this office and there are many many more like it on this campus. I had a woman call me just before the lunch hour looking for anyone and everyone. Not in a kind way, not even in a mannerly way, just rude, abrupt, and absolutely pissy because she could not get into contact with anyone. Mind you, there is no voicemail in this office. I am the lucky one stuck with taking down messages and ensuring they reach the correct people in a timely manner. Not a big deal, unless you have 3-7 people waiting in line for their forms to be signed and some PMSing bitch on the phone taking it out on you because she's feeling neglected by the BIG institution of bureaucracy and edumacative peeps, all the while your office mate is at home with "stomach flu" and you're about ready to climb up a wall with a banana and throw poop at everyone. Monkeys have it good and yeah, I love bitchy people that feel that you owe them the world when all you can tell them is that the person they are looking for is not available or in a meeting and hey, can I take a message for you? Otherwise bugger off and bitch at someone who gives a flying rat's ass about whether or not you feel you're having a bad day for waiting until the last minute to turn in something vital to your education or organization. Otherwise, not my problem and get off your fuckin' cell phone and drive like less of an idiot. ARRRRRRRG! Deep blue oceans- deep blue oceans- deep blue oceans- deep blue oceans. Screw it! I start at a new office on Monday and boy this ought to be interesting.

Still here? WOW! Anyhoo, yeah that was my day yesterday. Now today is wake and family fun with funeral biz. I can at least say that today is a somewhat happier note though. One year ago I got the first kiss from my schnookums. Yes, Adam and I kissed the first time on my porch under a blue light or was it a green light? I don’t remember what color the light was, but hey, it was a nice kiss. *BIG GRINS* Happy Kiss-aversary! Makes all those jaded people out there want to puke I am sure. Gotta go now. CIAO!

Tammolly ~Feelin’ like life could be far worse today.

...So if I die today I'll be the happy phantom
And I'll go wearin' my naughties like a jewel...
I'm still an angel to a girl who hates to sin

That Weird Sinking Feeling

So I was psyched about having an interview this morning at DFC. It was the first time I got a call out of the blue that gave me a good feeling about the upcoming interview. YAY! Even did a ton of resume prep, paperwork prep, and an all around concentrated prep for this interview itself. So now I feel like I have bombed it miserably. Two essay type forms to fill out, not a huge deal, I have made treatment plans and assessments before. Buzzzzzzzzz. Eh? I am in the front lobby trying to fill this stuff out and I’ve got a Jerry Springer show going on in the room. I was putting forth my best effort to ignore this and continue on with the task at hand. So then, in the back of my mind, I am thinking to myself, “What if this is a test and I am supposed to intervene somehow?” I stayed out of it, because I somehow doubt a government agency would go through those kinds of lengths to ensure hiring a worthy employee. Right? I sure as hell hope so.

With that thought, I wonder if we as human beings, perhaps animals at our most basic levels, if we actually breed our future. That mother and daughter on Medicaid and food stamps, did she breed her daughter right into the system? Who’s paying for all this shit? ME! YOU! Yes YOU! Any hard working tax paying American is pumping funds into this Jerry Springer culture that I was stuck watching all too uncomfortably mind you. It’s sad that I am thinking this way today. I’m usually not feeling negative towards social benefits that are meant to help people. Crimany!

Perhaps I am feeling grumpy from the fact I’ve got a dying relative in the hospital. I really don’t want to contemplate a string of old relatives pushing up daisies. Shit happens in threes in my family, so I don’t want to think about who number two or three is going to be this year. Last time someone died in the family, it was grandma, then Auntie Aggie, and then Uncle Bill. The killer part of that deal was the day we buried Auntie A, Uncle B died. It was a messed up time for the family. Crap! I don’t want to think about this. :(

Oh well, I gotta get back to work here. Just want to update those who actually read this blog. :) Funny though, no one ever signs it or comments on it except in a chat here and there. Harumph.


Tammolly ~ Wishing for that sinking feeling to go away today.

...So if I die today I'll be the happy phantom
And I'll go wearin' my naughties like a jewel...
I'm still an angel to a girl who hates to sin

Silver Linings Or Some Junk

wOOt! Interview on Monday-MONday-MONDAY! -turning off announcer voice now- So I am wondering if this is one of those silver linings people keep telling me about, an interview on Monday. I am told they exist out there somewhere. It’s like X-Files, the truth is out there, or some happy arse junk or another. I have nearly given up on finding another job in the social work field. I am essentially musing to myself at the moment, with the words, “Interview on Monday. BENEFITS! BENNIES! WHEEEEE Heeeeeeeeeeee! Yahoo!” Oh to make that much money again would be nice too. To be able to buy stuff and entertain the novel concept of paying bills in the household. Yah know, cable, phone, electric, water, garbage etc etc etc. I am sure the Adam would appreciate it too. Right now, I can pay my minimum bills, but that’s really not any fun at all. In fact, I hate it, but hey, my stuff is being taken care of for the time being. YAY to that!

Meanwhile, I am trying not to get my hopes up. This year I’ve had entirely too many disappointments with job searching in the past 10+ months. I really do hate to be disappointed. Although it’s fun to fantasize about the possibilities of financial freedoms, there’s that whole what if that sucks to think about if I do get the job. I hadn’t planned on the what-ifs with the last job and it didn’t end well in my eyes. One of the few pluses (silver lining) was the fact that Adam took me in like a little stray cat and a happy cat is me. MEOW! Purrrrrrrrrrr.

Fun nonsense in the office has been brewing. Only a minor source of contention, but it was bound to happen at some point. Right? Right! We're having the battle of the scented products in the office. We're not supposed to wear perfume or scented products. I would normally not complain about it, but the office mate to my immediate right wears stuff that reeks bad... I can now empathize with the Adam and his overly sensitive snout. HR lady can’t really handle flowers or scents and most perfumes. This all comes up due to the fact that one of the undergrads brings in a heaping bouquet of flowers comprised of lilies, roses and a number of other flowers that I can’t name. Essentially, it breaks down to when combined in such an enclosed area; they smell overwhelmingly like a funeral parlor.

Anyhoo, let’s get back to the fact that HR lady can’t take the flower scents and perfumes that give her instant migraines. She comments that the flowers smell strong on Friday. I agree that they’ve been a slightly nauseating thing for me as well. So we get on the subject on how we’re not supposed to have scented products on while working in this office due to student allergies and stuff. -SIGH- Ok, I can deal with that. I CANNOT deal with the office mate who douses herself in body splash, scented lotion, orange Listerine mouth spray, and other things scented in order to ATTEMPT to cover up the fact she just came back from a smoke break. So now it’s the body splash, scented lotion, orange Listerine mouth spray scented ashtray. It could be ASSTRAY for all I care; it just smells funky periodically throughout the day with her and the competing flower vase. (This coming from a former smoker mind you) Ugh. HR lady has now brought this up to the office mate and she’s not taking it well. Picking at anything I do, I have unscented hand lotion; she immediately fussed at me about it, saying how it better not be scented blah-blah-blah. Whateva woman! Leave me be!

Thus begins the office drama. I figured it had to happen sooner or later. The office mate is a temp like me, but she’s a spazoid if you ask me. Overly sensitive, drinks too many energy drinks, has a lot of pointless stories to tell that seem to be too far fetched to have happened to anyone real or even like her in the first place. She gets short tempered with me when she needs to go have a smoky treat. She’s taken over the office with anything she can possibly get her hands on and then wonders why she’s stressed out and cranky! Sure, it’s good to stay busy, it’s even better to not piss off your counter part by being a cranky kiss ass too. She yelled at me once and then apologized to me about it. Oy-vey.So here’s to the interview on Monday and me getting a better grip on the money situation. YAY! =)

Tammolly ~ Just goin' with the flow

...So if I die today I'll be the happy phantom
And I'll go wearin' my naughties like a jewel...
I'm still an angel to a girl who hates to sin